The following is a list of books written by Steven Wright that are available nowhere:

•  Phyllis and Her Eyelids: The story of a man living in a semi-parallel universe who is arrested for inventing hockey.

•  The Rats and The Scum: History of politicians.

•  The Slut and The Monkey: The history of marriage.

•  Skip the Wonder Horse: Set in the late 1600’s in Holland. The story of a homosexual race horse that can see into the future.

•  The Chinese Envelope: Set during the Ming Dynasty. The story of an all-girl school made entirely of mirrors.

•  Daddy’s Under My Bed: The story of a 90 year old still-born butler who’s in love with his own shadow.

•  Freud: The story of an insane old man with way too much influence.

•  Jesus and Santa Claus: The story of two middleweight boxers in Berlin in the early 1900’s.

•  The Carnival Man: The history of the world if time didn’t exist.

•  Pretty Girls: The story of the end of all civilizations and why evolution is a mistake.

•  Stanley and the Magic Penny: Hitler’s life story if he’d never been born, seen through the eyes of Dorothy Hamill.

•  The Tall Blue Cloud: The story of a Cajun menu that tries to take over the world.