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Laugh at These Jokes or We'll Shoot the Receptionist
GQ Magazine - The Comedy Issue
June 1999

Ladies and germs, here are the seventy-five funniest jokes of all time, and we are brave enough to list them in order.

It was serious work. We reviewed in excess of 23,540 jokes, one-liners, witty remarks, stand-up lines and bon mots. We read towers of books, surfed the Internet, asked our brokers and listened to hours of performances on audio- and videotape. And we polled dozens of humorists and comedians. The result is what you see here. The Top Seventy-five of All Time.

5. If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts. (Steven Wright)

9. I went into a restaurant. The menu said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. (Steven Wright)

16. I've been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious. (Steven Wright)

25. I went to a store and the sign said, OPEN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. When I got there, there was a guy outside locking it up. I said, "What are you doing, the sign says, OPEN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS?" And he said, "Not in a row." (Steven Wright)

42. When I was a little kid, we had a quicksand box. I was an only child…eventually. (Steven Wright)